Diet Spa

 

In Frasier’s 8th season, Daphne Moon, struggling with issues related to emotional eating, becomes “overweight” (FYI, she was pregnant). To help her lose weight, she goes off to a spa (maternity leave). She returns a few episodes later, back to her thin self.

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While actual diet “spas” are probably horrible places, it got me thinking about a magical place I could go to diet, which is actually really difficult to do properly when you’re busy and have a life. My dream diet spa would be something like this:

You arrive at the diet spa, a lovely place off in nature somewhere. You’re immediately given hot shorts and other cute outfits that look great and fit properly. You put them on and join a group of women of various body types. They’re also wearing hot shorts, in an environment where they’re not shamed about their bodies. For the first week or so, you just hang out with these people over drinks and good food. You start to notice how beautiful your new friends are, and it dawns on you that maybe you look pretty good too. At this point, you might decide to leave the diet spa and go on with your life, finally ready to love your body.

If you decide to stay, that’s fine too. The new routine begins. Every morning, you wake up and have some scrambled eggs (tossed salads are later in the day) and toast or whatever. Fruit maybe? I don’t know. Healthy things, real food. Someone from Café Nervosa can make you a nice coffee too.

Then you go down to the dog area. There, you’ll find a pack of dogs (at least 10) to accompany you on a nice long walk in the forest. Eddie is there, and so is my dog Runner. You can run if you want to, but nobody’s forcing you into any boot-camp type of situation. Also, you don’t have to pick up the dogs’ shit. Someone else does that. Because exercise is obviously beneficial, it is encouraged, and other activities are available if you decide.

For lunch, you are given the tossed salad of your dreams. You know those build-your-own salad bars that have all those great toppings and it’s so good? I love those. So, it’s kind of like that.

You spend the afternoon reading or hanging out with your new friends. Dr. Frasier Crane and Dr. Niles Crane are both there, along with several excellent female psychiatrists, if you’d like to do some therapy. There are nutritionists to talk to if needed. You can also go for a swim. Maybe the spa is by an ocean?

For dinner, fantastic cooks can make you delicious, healthful foods, like a raw tuna and salmon bowl with rice and vegetables (I’m thinking of a specific menu item at a Montreal restaurant called Kazu, if any of my zero readers ever make it to town). The cooks can also teach you how to make these things for yourself. Dinner selections include carbs, gluten, full-fat foods, sugars, etcetera, all within the calorie range you’ve chosen for your diet. Then you have dessert and a small glass of sherry if you want.

After you’ve reached your goal weight, you go home, feeling good and ready to continue the healthy new habits you’ve adopted. You can go back any time for a short visit. Oh, and it’s all free, paid for by the capitalist patriarchy.

What would your dream diet spa be like? Please share in the comments below. I’m listening.

 

Fan Fiction

By now, I was hoping at least a few people would have commented on my blog to start a discussion. Since that hasn’t happened, here is a fictional transcript of a conversation between Dr. Frasier Crane and Pam, a caller to his show.

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Frasier: Roz, who do we have on the line?

Roz: We have Pam from Marysville on line four.

Frasier: Hello, Pam! This is Dr. Frasier Crane. I’m listening.

Pam: Hi, Dr. Crane! Thanks for taking my call.

Frasier: Yes. What can I help you with today?

Pam: I’m calling because I’m trying to lose weight, but nothing I do seems to work! It’s very frustrating. Help me, Dr. Crane!

Frasier: Ah, yes. Well, Pam, this is a very common problem that a lot of people struggle with. Weight loss is actually a relatively simple science. It all comes down to consuming less calories than you expend, but that does require a commitment. One approach people often use is counting calories. While it may seem quite time consuming and complicated at first, eventually, you gain a sense of what’s in the food you eat and it does get easier. If you do it long enough, it becomes a habit.

Pam: I’ve tried counting calories! I’ll stick to my diet all day, but then I get home from work and snack all evening after dinner.

Frasier: I see. In that case, maybe you should examine why exactly you do this. Is it boredom? Fatigue? Stress? If it’s the former, you might benefit from a new hobby or activity. Take on a new project like starting a blog. Even a simple activity like taking evening walks can certainly help with your goal. If you’re tired or stressed out, focusing on getting more sleep or tackling the issues causing your stress might help. Getting at the root of why you overeat is important on any weight-loss journey.

Also, it’s important to set realistic goals and acknowledge your habits and lifestyle. If you do tend to eat more in the evening, try to consume fewer calories during the day. You want to work with your habits, not against them.

Pam: I guess I just get bored at night, and keep heading to the fridge.

Frasier: Well, if you just can’t resist snacking, you might try keeping less unhealthy snack foods in the house. If you stock your fridge with fruits and veggies or foods that require preparation, you’re less likely to be tempted. And if you do give in and eat, say, an apple, that’s not so bad.

Pam: I guess that’s true. Thanks, Dr. Crane! I’ll try that.

Frasier: You’re welcome. Best of luck to you, Pam! Well, that’s all the time we have for today. You’ve been listening to Dr. Frasier Crane, KACL 780.

Roz: (raises eyebrows and says something sassy)

Frasier: (grumbles)

 

Any real-life person struggling to lose weight? Please respond in the comments below. I’m listening.

Things

“Every item here was carefully selected. This lamp by Corbu, the chair by Eames, and this couch is an exact replica of the one Coco Chanel had in her Paris atelier.”

  • Frasier Crane

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I can’t stop buying things. At first it was clothes, which made sense since mine were getting baggy. Also, I’m feeling like a babe these days, and wanted to get new stuff to celebrate that. But now I’ve become obsessed with redecorating my place too, despite my mounting debt.

Radio-psychiatrist Frasier Crane might tell me I’m replacing one form of instant gratification (food) with another (shopping). Non-sell-out, proper-psychiatrist Niles Crane might take the time to delve into these issues and come up with a different theory altogether.

Either way, I hope this blog makes me rich (ha!), because I need a new source of income. Or it’s time to go on a spending diet too.

Has anyone else adopted bad habits while dieting? Please tell me about it in the comments below. I’m listening.

Roz and Tinder

Roz and Tinder

I’ll be honest. One of my reasons for going on a diet was to feel better in my body and finally do something about my perpetual single status. While low self-esteem is probably the actual reason I’m still single, losing weight has made me feel like dating again.

I’m sure shows like Frasier have also contributed to this notion that I can’t date unless I fit into my old skinny jeans. While Niles still loved Daphne when she “gained weight”, he fell in love with thin Daphne. Meanwhile, Frasier gets to date a seemingly endless parade of beautiful women (fuck you, Frasier).

Screen Shot 2018-02-02 at 5.47.56 PMWhile Frasier would have been horrified by Tinder-like apps, I think Roz would have loved them. So I’m going to try to be more of a Roz, who would have just had fun with it. Also, she’s pretty awesome. And if I get rejected by a string of amateur photographers and DJs, I’ll do my best to remind myself it was probably because of my terrible personality and not my weight. (Just kidding?)

I plan to line up some dates and actually go on them in the next little while. I’ll try to keep you updated if it’s not too soul crushing to write about. And if it doesn’t work out, there’s this:

 

Has anyone else let their weight get in the way of dating? Or gotten back out there after losing a few pounds? Please share your experiences. I’m listening.

Eddie!

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I just heard the news that John Mahoney, aka Martin Crane, passed away a few day ago. This is very sad news indeed. While I don’t know a lot about John Mahoney, I do know quite a bit about Martin Crane and his best friend Eddie.

I have my own Eddie. His name is Runner, but he ruins any runs I try to take him on by stopping every 10 seconds to sniff a tree or whatever. Still, taking him on extra-long walks is a key part of my weight-loss strategy. I’m sure Eddie did a lot to help Martin’s health and mobility after his accident.

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I don’t recommend everyone get a dog, especially not Frasier types who are obsessed with their furniture, but whatever your fitness level, gentle exercise like walking is a great way to move a bit. You don’t have to go to the gym if you don’t want to. If your goal is weight loss, you can do that without moving at all if you watch your diet. Whatever works for you is great. But for me, having Runner is a great way to exercise without it feeling like exercise.

Does anyone else have a dog who helps them stay active? Or just cute dog pics? Please share any dog-related comments below. I’m listening.

Morning

“Let us get something clear: I am not a morning person. I have to ease into my day slowly. First, I have my coffee, sans eggshells or anything else one tends to pick out of the garbage. Then I have a low-fat, high-fibre breakfast. Finally, I sit down and read a crisp, new newspaper. If I am robbed of the richness of my morning routine, I cannot function. ( … ) I’m sorry if this may sound priggish, but I have grown comfortable with this part of myself. It is the magic that is me.”

  • Frasier Crane

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The magic that is me needs a latte and a cup of coconut Greek yogurt with berries every morning.

Lunch is usually a spinach salad with whole-grain toast and cream cheese, and dinner is where I mix it up a bit.

Like Frasier, I am a creature of habit. I find sticking to my routine makes weight loss so much easier. I don’t have to think about it too much. I eat breakfast, pack my lunch, which takes a second to throw together, and go.

My sister told me about a study recently, which said that when people are asked in advance what they would eat the next day, they make healthy choices. When they’re asked what they want to eat right now, they make less healthy choices. So, packing lunches and planning meals is a great way to go if your goal is weight loss. That’s easier said than done for a lot of people though.

Just like Frasier eases into his morning, you have to ease into a new routine. Trying to change too much at once often doesn’t work. My routine was a gradual thing. It started with just being conscious of the food I was eating. Then a commitment to packing a lunch just a few days a week. Then I started counting calories to get an idea of how much I was actually eating. Then I started counting calories with the specific goal of weight loss, and so on.

My co-worker looks at my lunch and says she couldn’t eat the same thing every day. It does get boring, but I find dieting kind of boring anyway. And when I don’t feel like my usual salad, I get something else. Done.

What is the magic that is you? Please share in the comments. I’m listening.